Well I finished my small 4x6 acrylic painting of Ahna Iredales Pottery shop. I took a photo of her shop on a beautiful summer day three years ago and have always wanted to paint it in oils, but decided to do it in acrylics instead. It turned out well. Today is another rainy dark and overcast day. I am going to go check the mail and see if my bead order has arrived. Hope so. Then I need to work on my other January Bead Journal page. Keeping them simple will be a benefit since I am working on two.

Well the month of February has been very wet and chilly. It rained all night last night and now the winds are picking up. I am working on a couple of acrylic/watercolor paintings in between beading. Grief is such a draining emotion. I keep hoping that it will soften quicker. I am being selfish thinking of my own grief when Ryan and Chris's parents must still be aching so badly. Projects, projects, projects. Staying busy is best. Both beading and painting are such calming and meditative past times, and yet memories slip in and drag you down again, even when they are happy memories. Well, maybe today its the weather working against me. Anyway, I will post the first painting that I have finished. (Note: I entered this painting in the Spring Show of the Kachemak Bay Watercolor Society and surprise!! It sold. Wow, how great. )

This is my second February "page" for the journal dedicated to my Nephew Ryan who lost his battle with cancer. The three hearts within the broken heart represent his Mom Janna and his Dad Ken and Brother Wade. The three stars above the heart represent the three small children that Ryan had to leave behind. What a battle they all waged, but life goes the way it goes, no matter how much we want to change the outcome. Ryan is so missed, by so many.

I have finished both of my February journal pages. I have yet to finish my second January piece, but that's coming soon. This first "page" is for my Grandson Chris. The two faces on the broken heart represent his parents Mike and Laurie. The crystal drops represent the many tears we have all shed at his loss. So many tears. Jack looked at these February pieces and was not happy with them. He didn't think it looked like my beading, it was too messy. I told him it looked just like I wanted it too. Tattered. A heart in shreds. It upset me for days and I even entertained the thought of not doing the journals. Shows how close to the surface the emotions still are. Its just so hard.....

I have finished my January piece for Chris. I found myself making excuses to myself for not working on this piece everyday. And today I was feeling great that I was about to finish the piece (as yet to be attached to a "page") and suddenly found myself crying. I kept thinking about what Chris said to me when we moved to Alaska. I was talking to him on the phone, he was about to turn four, and he said "You come back here to your house where you belong". Living so far away, we missed so much of our Grandchildrens growing up. We are lucky that their parents kept us in photos and stories. We so enjoyed every visit we made to them. Our children grow up so fast and have their owns lives separate from us. As a family we think we know each other so well...how wrong we are. We forget that we each have our own private sides. We just have to love each other unconditionally, well anyway that's what I believe. I love you Chris..forever.....

The attached photo is proof that I am actually working on my first Journal page. This is the first page of the Journal that I am dedicating to our Grandson Chris. Chris would have been 22 January 10th. Such a loss. I wonder if we will ever get over it. He was such a treasure. I am beading over a black and white photo. I am using black thread to grey my white and to give the piece that grainy look that black and white photos have.

Ok, once again..I accidentally posted my remarks on the Bead Journal Blog instead of my own. What I was saying was that I have finally started one of my January Journal pages. It feels good to finally be working on my journal. I am attaching a photo of Jack and I at the Ice show "The Grinch" at the huge Hotel/Lodge the Gaylord Texan near Dallas. It was an amazing place. We enjoyed our visit with our Son and his family for Christmas and New Years. The weather could have been warmer, but I am thankful for the warm days we had. We are both battling colds right now, but glad to be back in Alaska for now.